What are Invisible Disablilities?

 

Have you ever heard the term "invisible disability"? Or have you ever come to a Miracle League game and thought: "That athlete looks just like me. I don't see a disability"? Or maybe you've tried to have a conversation with someone who didn't appear to have a disability, only to find that conversation really difficult.... Not all disabilities can be seen. The Invisible Disabilities Association defines the term like this: "an invisible disability is a physical, mental or neurological condition that is not visible from the outside, yet can limit or challenge a person’s movements, senses, or activities. Unfortunately, the very fact that these symptoms are invisible can lead to misunderstandings, false perceptions, and judgements."

Many disabilities such as learning and attention issues, some physical issues, neurodiversity, mental illnesses, and other disabilities are not apparent when seeing a person for the first time. This can lead to making assumptions about the person's abilities and put both parties in difficult and unfortunate circumstances. I talked with some of our athlete's moms about their experiences. All three moms that I interviewed share very similar stories. 

Jahan's mom said: "I am so happy that you are doing an article about invisible disabilities! I've been stressing over this for many years now. When Jahan was younger, around 3-6, I always had to make myself tell parents at the playgrounds what his age was because he didn't 'act normal' for his age. I feel that it is harder for children and adults who have an invisible disability because they are expected to behave a certain way. I've cried a few times when children ignore Jahan or are mean to him because he didn't know how to start conversations, or he just starts playing with the children and they run away from him. It is hard with other parents as well. Jahan would play with their children, who would be younger at the time, and the parents would ask how old he was, with a 'shouldn't he be playing with children his age' look. 

Even as I am a strong advocate for invisible disabilities, Jahan does and doesn't get the accommodations he needs; it depends on where we go. I don't know where or how to get accommodations if we go to certain amusement parks, as he doesn't like crowds. Some difficult things we encounter are stares and people saying that nothing is wrong with him - make him behave, or he'll grow out of it. It's also difficult as I have younger children who look up to Jahan because he is the oldest, and they tend to copy him in ways I have to tell them not to, which adds more stress. Having him is a blessing, though, because it has changed me drastically as a mother. Miracle Park has been a blessing to our family to have a place where he can blend in and be accepted."

Ben's mom said: "Ben has Autism; we didn’t want that to rule our world. So often in society, you become 'the family of the kid with autism, or the family of the kid in a wheelchair'- then you’re not a family, you become the disability. The fact that Ben's disability is somewhat invisible meant that we had a choice in that, but it wasn't really a conscious decision, we just never wanted him to feel unaccepted. Every family handles diagnosis differently… for us, it was survival mode… we just wanted him to be  “I’m Ben…. Not I'm Ben with Autism,” so he knows now that he has Autism, but he doesn’t lead with that. We never said 'there’s something wrong with you.' When he asked questions, we said you were just born differently. It’s most often pointed out for other people’s benefit, so they know how to interact with him. If he says something about someone else's disability, I might say 'he or she was born differently like you were.'

People, even family members, often tell us: I’m afraid of Ben, not afraid that he is

going to hurt me, but will I hurt him, am I going to do something wrong? They are unsure of how to interact with him. Since he has some developmental delays and is neurodivergent, we've had times in the past on playgrounds where people would approach him as a typically developing child and not understand how to continue when they realized something was different. His sister and I have stepped in to say that he has autism, or to tell people how to talk to and play with him. 

Now that he is older, it looks very different. Some of his freedoms have had to be been reigned in; he’s 26 year old man, but loves My Little Pony. So where he used to be able to shop by himself at Target, now I feel that I have to be near him because of people's perceptions: 'Why is there a man in the My Little Pony aisle talking to my 4 year old daughter?'  Society fears for her safety, but I fear for his. His intentions are pure and innocent, but they don't know that, so I have to be close by to intervene, explain, and help with conversations.

Not making our lives revolve around autism has been good and bad; it's often difficult for sibling relationships. His sister has had to make compromises and sacrifices and has been a second care giver. She loves Ben and would do anything for him, but it has had an impact on her childhood as well.

On the bright side, Ben has been involved with PRT since he was 8! This is a community where he feels safe. Miracle League is somewhere Ben can go and people don’t look at him weird. He’s encouraging and kind to others at ML- wants to get better at sport for his coaches.

Elijah's mom: Elijah is 17 and on the spectrum, and he knows that he is different, but he doesn't look different and doesn't understand. He wants to have a job like his older sisters, but it has been difficult to find employment. He loves people and wants to have friends his age but has a hard time carrying on a conversation. He is beginning to notice girls, so I fear for what challenges that will bring. He likes to navigate the mall and food court by himself, but sometimes I have to step in to explain. He gets stared at and asked not to loiter in places where he really isn't loitering, just doesn't know how to have a conversation or ask for what he needs, but he doesn't really want Mom to help either. It can be very challenging, and it makes me sad sometimes, but Elijah is my joy. He is a silver lining in my life, and I wouldn't change who he is, even if I could. I would change other people's perceptions and understanding of him. I want people to know that he has feelings just like you even though he cannot express them the same way. He wants friendships and to be included. We are thankful for the relationships he has built through Miracle Park and Miracle League.

Thank you to all the moms who so bravely shared their stories. As a community, we have a responsibility to try to understand others and help everyone feel included. Our goal at Miracle Park is to remove barriers and be a place where EVERYONE can BELONG. We can do that by extending understanding and kindness to all. Read below for additional ways to include those with invisible disabilities.